5 Things You Can Do To Support Firefighters

As the tragedy in the Back Bay of Boston has shown us, the brave men and women from all firehouses go into dangerous situations daily and sometimes give the ultimate sacrifice. When these tragedies occur, which includes the wildfires in Arizona last year, as well as many others, the community responds with great admiration and dedication through the sadness. But how can you support them year round? 1-Talk positively about them: When I hear residents of our country, as well as others, complain about firefighters, it makes me sick to my stomach. Sure, just like any other occupation, there are some "bad apples". Please do not spoil the whole bunch in your head. Most firefighters who don't see this work as a way of life are usually weeded out within the first years. Sometimes it makes the news, just like the tragedies, but how many successes are exposed? Not many. You'll see a dramatic rescue here or there, but their success rate is probably in the 99% range. Where is the talk about these accomplishments? Remember, what you don't hear about is because the men and women in firehouses are doing their job in an admirable and accomplished way. 2-Thank them...daily: these guys never ask for thanks, but they deserve them. They'll say it's nothing but it takes dedication and heart to do what they do. The ultimate sacrifice is one thing, but what about all other sacrifices they do regularly, including time with their family, friends, missing holidays (FYI...there is no holiday for these guys and gals), their sleep patterns, and also their willingness to answer all calls the exact same way: with enthusiasm and wanting to do the right thing. How many of us do this or know people in other fields that do this daily? 3-Make sure their budget is adequate: The firefighters have been one of the hardest hit professions in municipal, town, city, state, and federal budgets in the past 10 years. When these cuts occur, this stresses a system that has already been pretty stretched. We take their willingness to do what they do for granted and that they'll "deal with it". And they do, but at what price? Longer shifts, less firefighters to do the same job. Do not take these cuts lightly. They are cuts that we should all fight for the essential services they provide. 4-Join a Critical Incident Stress Management or any debriefing team: The firefighters will always count on their brothers and sisters for support but we can make a difference. These debriefing teams can and will support firefighters in their time of need and help them get through these difficult times. This last tragedy happened in Boston but it affected many (if not all) firehouses in this country. Joining these teams is helpful, as they will train you on how to support them in time of crisis and help them cope with these losses. For more info: http://icisf.org/ or http://cisresponse.com/ 5-Give to memorial funds: For this latest tragedy, a Lieutenant Walsh - Firefighter Kennedy Memorial Fund has been created at https://www.bosfirecu.com/ and I encourage everyone to give a few dollars for their kids and families. They took care of us when we needed them, let's take care of them after their sacrifices. Other funds (including for the Arizona firefighters) can be found at http://firehero.org/yarnellhill/. Giving generously to funds may seem simple but it means so much to the families and the brotherhood of firefighters. It is important to think of the financial stress this can put on families. 5 ways, which one(s) will you choose?

What Is That Table For?

I've been asked by my colleague, Steve Bisson, LMHC to be a guest blogger on his site. We share an office in Holliston, MA and he apparently gets a LOT of questions about that funny table in the corner of the room. I am a licensed social worker and a Reiki Master. So I am here to explain a little about what I do. So, what is Reiki? Reiki is a form of energy healing. We all have an energy field around our body called an aura with various layers- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual. Reiki helps to heal on all these levels. It removes blocks and helps to restore balance. Sounds like a bunch of woo-woo nonsense, right ? Well, it's not. It's not made up. It's not psychosomatic. It's not witchcraft. The aura has been photographed with Kirlian photography. We know it exists. If you compare aura photography before and after Reiki you can see the difference. There are lots of types of energy healing. What makes Reiki special is that it is spiritually guided. That means it has an intelligence all its own. I don't have to know what the issue is and neither do you. It will go where it's needed. And you are completely protected and so am I. How cool is that? The reason is that I am not giving you my energy and you are not giving me yours. Rather, I am just the channel the Reiki flows through. Ok, but what does all of this have to do with the counseling I do? Well, there are some things that are best talked out and counseling can be very helpful. There are other things that Reiki is better for- like healing issues that are too difficult to talk about or that you can't quite identify, healing physical issues (that often have emotional causes), etc. But the amazing thing is that you can do both and I'm finding more and more ways to use them together. For example, perhaps there is something that you need to work through that has a strong emotional charge that is difficult to tolerate. I can give you Reiki while you discuss it so it will no longer have the same charge it used to or affect your present life in the same way. Lots of therapists work with affirmations. I can actually help install them in your aura through using Reiki and help remove the block in your energy field around a negative belief about yourself. The possibilities really are endless. The Japanese are a very polite people, and Reiki originated in Japan. In the Reiki tradition, it is very important to have someone's consent. If you are wondering during a counseling session if I'm sending you Reiki, the answer is no. If you want me to, I am happy to do it, but I'll never give Reiki without consent. In fact, it is also of note that people take in what they want/need so you are actually in control of what you receive during a Reiki session. Openness is important, because I can give Reiki til the cows come home, but if you block it energetically, it basically hits a brick wall and you won't receive anything. So Reiki can be as much or as little a part of your sessions as you wish. I adjust to the client's wishes and preferences. So back to that table.... A traditional Reiki session is done on a massage table with various hand positions. Some people prefer hands on and some hands above. I actually prefer hands above for several reasons not the least of which is my role as a therapist and my desire to maintain physical boundaries. If you're someone that is uncomfortable with touch, don't worry, you're safe with me. All that said, Reiki can be given anywhere any time and doesn't have to be given on a table. It can be given in a chair, from across the room, or from another country. No, I'm not kidding. There is such a thing as distance Reiki, and yes, it really works. So, I hope all of this has helped to answer some questions and to pique your interest. I welcome your questions and comments. I also teach Reiki for anyone who might be interested. I am currently registering for a Reiki I class on 10/5 from 9 am to 5 pm. For more information, please visit my website www.redphoenixhealing.com, like me on facebook www.facebook.com/redphoenixhealing or follow me on twitter www.twitter.com/CindyMeeske Cynthia L. Meeske, LICSW, CRMT 360 Woodland St. Holliston, MA 01747 774-573-1644 redphoenixhealing@gmail.com

Substance Use and The Myth of Hitting Bottom

It has been said time and time again by people in the media, the entertainment world that a person who abuses substances "must hit bottom in order to get better". While this could be true for some, I don't believe it is the rule.
I believe that an all or nothing statement like that is dangerous and harmful. First of all, if you wait for this to happen, the person may end up in a body bag. This person, which had potential, now has lost their life just because the people around him waited for them to hit the rick bottom. I remind friends and family members that if this happened because they waited for the "rock bottom" how would they actually feel.
Secondly, I have yet to hear a good definition of what is the rock bottom. Is it listing their family, friends, houses, jobs, freedom, all of this (another all or nothing statement) some of it, or something else. In my experience, I have seen most of these in some way, shape, or form. I have seen people change their use after losing one of these or many of these even all of these. Yet, others have lost all these things and continued their use. Saying something like "hitting rock bottom" is not only dangerous, its a fallacy.
So the obvious question is: how do you treat substance use? Well, just like any medical and mental health,  there are several solutions. Always engaging the individual is probably the only universal answer. Talk to the person each day. If they are annoyed, walk away. Lecturing is useless. I think you just ask how they are. When you speak to them, they feel like you care enough. Not caring is exactly what they think you feel so avoid not caring, it feeds into their thought process. 
And a point on engagement: don't yes them, don't over engage and certainly do not offer money. If they get mad, walk away. You are not there to rescue, just to be there. Reflect what they say, summarize what they said, ask open ended questions, and show empathy. These are all motivational interviewing techniques that family, friends, neighbors can use. It avoids many of the pitfalls described above and makes the person feel engaged by people around them.
Using these techniques avoids the "hitting bottom" paradigm and leaves hope both for the individual and the people around him.

One Mission’s Kid’s Cancer Buzz-Off

One Mission’s Kid’s Cancer Buzz-Off I don't usually make these requests but I am working on this very important cause. Please give anything. As you know, cancer has touched most people in one way or the other. As a counselor, I have seen the toll cancewr has on family, specifically when young kids are involved. The psychological impact is immense. This cause is very important to me.

Mental Health Awareness Month

Just a quick post. May is Mental Health Awareness month.  I think Dr. Drew (whether you like him or not) said it best: why is it that we can talk about any illnesses below the neck but anything above the neck, people look away, tell you to "get over it", or don't want to talk about it?
The shame that mental health still causes is a huge problem in this country. We need to get mental health diagnosis out of the dark and into the light. Accepting it is the best way to address it. If you are ashamed, embarrassed, or do not talk to someone about it, it will not get better. Does cancer, heart issues, or any other physical health concern just go away by ignoring it?
Mental health is as important as any physical health issues. Address it, find the proper treatment, feel better. Easy enough?  

The Emotional Brain versus the Intellectual Brain

I have been a cognitive behavioral therapist since I started in this field and I am proud to say that I was trained at Assumption College, which also houses the Aaron T. Beck Institute in the US. I have worked on many aspects of CBT since I started being interested in psychology. I am, however, open to different ways of working with different theories. While I do not necessarily consider myself eccletic, I do embrace several types of counseling theories, including humanistic, behavioral, psychoanalytic, and gestalt. One thing that is not ways considered in counseling is the biological aspect of our bodies. One of the things I usually remind people is that the two spheres of our brain work differently and sometimes does not communicate efficiently.
It is believed that the left side of the brain is the "logical" side, the sides that uses logic, mathematical skills as well as verbal skills. The right side of the brain is considered the "emotional" side, where creativity, emotions, and imagination takes place. A few observations here: our language skills are in the right side of the brain  so it can explain why sometimes, it is hard to put into words how we feel. That is also probably why our language is more simple when emotions are "making" us talk. It also explains why, when we are in our "right" mind, we might actually be more emotional than logical! But I digress.
I have encountered multiple times in my sessions people telling me that they "know" and understand why things need to be a certain way but that they cannot feel it. An example is when we know a person is bad fr us "logically" but we cannot separate ourselves emotionally. It is a difficult process. That is why people develop strange attachment to "bad people" in their lives: they know it is not logical but it feels good. We do not always process logic and emotions at the same time and when you know that they are located in different hemispheres, it kind of makes sense.
Now let's add gender differences into that. At the risk of sounding "sexist", here is another biological fact (although disputed in recent years, including one meta-analysis): The Corpus Collosum, the bundle of nerves that lies between the right side of our brain and the left side has been found in some studies to be thicker or heavier in females than males. This could explain why some women tend to be able to process information both on an emotional level, as well as a logical level more effectively than men. As an observer, I find that men tend to be "over-logical" on certain things and "over-emotional" on others. More often, men will tell you how they feel and will struggle to shift even if you present logical facts. It seems to also hold true, in my opinion, on logic. A man will logically make sense of a problem and will be able to remove themselves emotionally from that decision. Women tend to balance these two things better, however, I also find that the examples I gave about men is not unheard of for women also. I think it also goes back to the fact that an emotionally charged subjects remains emotionally charged and it is sometimes harder to find the logic behind it. As you can see, biologally also plays a big role in our mental health.
I guess that is why I embrace CBT: it tries to make sense of our emotions. A balancing act that is not easy for anyone.

Thank you for a great 2012!

It has been a full year in private practice. I have been fortunate enough to get many great referrals from many different sources (20 to be exact!). I did not think I would be where I am 1 year ago. I have enjoyed my work with everyone of my clients in the past year and every single one of them have made me grow as a therapist and as a person. I am grateful for that.
I think that counseling is a two way street: as a counselor, I am paid to help individuals change some cognitive processes, to embrace change, to learn how to get in touch with their emotions, to look at how engaging in use of substances can be detrimental to them, as well as reach out spiritually. This is a privilege in my opinion and having anyone open up on these difficult subjects will always be treated with the up most respect and decency. That is why I let individuals ask questions about me if they feel like it. I think that we need to show how we value their vulnerability and answering some questions, to me, is not unethical but a great relationship builder. Do I answer all questions? No, but I also look at the situation, person, and value of that information to the therapeutic relationship to make sure not to damage it.
I also sent out a survey to both my clients (current and former clients) and providers in the area. I wanted to get an idea of the source of my referrals, why individuals are coming to counseling,and, very importantly, are they satisfied. From my client list, 23% of the actually completed the survey. The survey indicates that individuals come to counseling for mental health issues (57%) and anger management (28%).  Gender and location are the two main reasons a person came to counseling. (83%) of individuals report that they feel I listen extremely or very well. All are satisfied with their therapist and would recommend his work. 84% are college educated.
As for my colleagues who referred individuals to me, 83% of the providers surveyed (13 total) made referrals to me. 91% made referrals due to my expertise, 41% made referrals related to geographical location, while gender of therapist and insurance were considered 25% of the time. 91% stated that they knew me from previous interactions. 83% stated they would definitely make referrals again.
The conclusion? Clients appeared satisfied with my work, both would recommend my work, and gender and location are very important. Thank you again and all feedback is desired and accepted.